, What do diapers and politicians have in common? Q: On a cold morning what forms on your david? May a desert weirdo lower his figs into your mother's soup. A: The Loch Ness Monster. A: The ZIP Code. Or fastest delivery Mon, Mar 6 . , The Question: Why didnt Mrs. Franklin have any kids? resuscitation with a sick lizard. Paul Rosenzweig, George Washington University law professor and former deputy assistant secretary for policy in the Department of Homeland Security, told Yahoo News via email it reminded him of Johnny Carson's "Carnac the Magnificent" sketch "where he knows the . Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition. Paul? In the ongoing sketch, Carnac would draw a sealed envelope from a mayonnaise jar, and hold it to his forehead. A: Fun with Dick and Jane. The Question: Name three things in New York that may run forever. A list of Carnac the Magnificent puns! Clarnac: Well see how it goes, if Clarnac can find his reading glasses. , The Question: What do you call a Methodist who is not afraid of water? Images tagged "johnny carson". 99 $28.11 $28.11. Function: _error_handler, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/page/index.php The funny story above is a satire or parody. So we see that as we get closer and closer to the Messianic Era when the world will go back to a perfected state, curses are reverting all around us just as the Vilna Gaon predicted. CARNAC: May a camel chip float in your martini. Carnac the Magnificent. NO ONE [at this shout, Carnac always acts startled] knows the contents of these envelopes but you, in your mystical and borderline divine way, will ascertain the answers having never before heard the questions. Commissary. All the funny items on this website are fictitious. Question Man". The Question: Because she is so old, what does Nancy Pelosis breath smell like? I have been collecting records, CDs and DVDs. Clarnac: If laughter is the best medicine, this crowd doesnt have a prescription. doctors. Dont break the concentration of the mystic from the East, or he will place a curse on you! Clarnac: May a toothless holy man give your grandmother a hickey. Q: What would you find in Superman's bathroom? The Answer: Big Ben, Dak Prescott, and a politicians campaign promises. "How you must dread going to bed!" exclaimed Cynic. . A: Superbowl. A: Flypaper. Clarnac: May a diseased shih tzu hump your grandmothers good leg. Line: 24 skirt. . A: Gunga din. In article <10@udenva.UUCP> sho@udenva.UUCP (Mr. Blore) writes. CARNAC: May a carsick mongoose change the color of your A: Once is not enough. A: At both ends. A: The Orient express. A: The eye of a frog, the wing of a fly and the throat of a Watch now: Free with ads. A: Earth, Wind and Fire. Youre the straight man. Q: What was the final score of the Jaws-Capricorn game? The Answer: I didnt think I had enough gas. The Answer: Sam Quint, Jonah, and Osama Bin Laden. I just got a new DVD, and I am really excited about it, but I miss my childhood a little bit I guess. They are adding a Carnac the Magnificent bit to their shows and need a turban, which is more of a cross between costume and prop. A: Mop and Glow. Carpenter During Sweeps 1984. Saint Sophia Cathedral is a UNESCO World Heritage Site and one of the most significant landmarks of Kiev, Ukraine. Next Johnny will retaliate with a "Comedic Curse" such as: "May a misguided platypus lay its eggs in your jockey shorts" or "May a confused weightlifter clean and jerk your sister" or "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits" which sometimes gets more of a laugh than the entire Carnac routine previous. Q: Who ruined that darn rug? Johnny would don an . Question: Why does the Colonels Original Recipe Chicken not taste the same anymore? Clarnac: May a diseased yak leave a gift on your new carpet. Q: How many hospitals has Evil Knievel been in? Return to Humor Page ANSWER: Gatorade. I hold in my hand these A: Stick 'em up! In article <42@kestrel.ARPA> t@kestrel.ARPA writes: > Comedic or not, "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits" is. but you, in your divine and mystical way, will ascertain the answers to these Q: What are Ernest and Julio Gallo? CARNAC: May you fall asleep under a camel with post nasal The Question: Name a childrens nursery rhyme to be screamed every time Hillary Clinton opens her mouth. A: Evon Guligan. A: Baja. May you fall into an outhouse just as a band of Ukranians has finished a prune stew and twelve barrels of beer. May a toothless holy man give your grandmother a hickey. A: Bible belt. The Question: How did Obiden sanction the Russians for invading Ukraine? A: Cheetah, Leon Spinks and the American taxpayer. cleanup team? CARNAC: May a weird holy man use a Black and Decker tool on A: Rocky, Network and The Silver Streak. Icons & Idols Hollywood (#1212) 12/01/2011 9:00 AM PST CLOSED! Q: Name two countries and a luncheon special at the NBC , The Question: Name a good local divorce law firm. The Carnac character and routine also closely resemble Ernie Kovacs Mr. Q: Who old do you have to be to date Princess Margaret? One of Johnny's best-loved characters was Carnac the Magnificent. Q: Describe the Nixon income tax deductions. A: Last Tango in Paris. The Answer: Dumbo, Eeyour, and Mitt Romney. Hand made. A: Jaws 2 and Capricorn One. Q: Describe a stoned bowling team. In article <12@gitpyr.UUCP> gra@gitpyr.UUCP (Mark W Fouraker) writes: Paddy Chayevsky's "The Tenth Man" contains several curses on daughters-in-law. Ed McMahon was a huge part of the bit. If one of Carnacs jokes (often a very bad pun) generated a negative response, Carnac would give a disapproving look, then cast a comedic "Middle Eastern curse" upon the audience. "Some sad news from Australia.the inventor of the boomerang grenadedied today. CARNAC: May your desert pension fund be managed by Jimmy , The Question: Who is the longest surviving member of the Japanese Air Force? A: Roots. Carnac: May the nurse in your hospital room bring you a frozen bedpan. What do you look for when you're tracking three whackas? Q: What's the name of a drive-in massage parlor? While Evans certainly popularized the usage of the term Minoan, its first known use in the sense of "ancient Cretan" appears to have been in 1825 by German historian and philologist Karl Hoeck. No more years! -- -------------------------------------------------------------"they forcibly extracted the word 'but' from his vocabulary, and locked him in a room with 10 economists"-------------------------------------------------------------. A: 60 Minutes. Q: Who will they find sooner than Jimmy Hoffa? A: Natural gas. A: Gatorade. A: Old wives tale. ), The Question: Who is the largest conservative in the Republican Party? A: Shareholder. A: Kris Kristofferson McMahon's closing announcement "I hold in my hand the last envelope" was always met with a loud cheer, prompting one final "curse". Q: When should you plan on making a rest stop at a gas $12.37 delivery Tue, Mar 7 . A: A thousand clowns. grandfather. It is entirely fictitious. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically"divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. , The Question: How did Clarnacs wife lose 240 pounds of unwanted fat? The Temple was destroyed, and Israel was left with neither kings nor kingdom. ", "May the fairy god-camel leave a lump on your pillow! , The Question: How high will the price of gasoline go under the Obiden administration? As Carnac the Magnificent, Carson would often cast a curse upon his audience in response to a joke bombing. The Question: What is the name of Trumps new Vodka? nowadays. Q: Describe Sister Mary Kong. [1] 36 relations: Billboard (magazine), Billet reading, Bob Arbogast, CNN, Columbia University Press, CRC Press, Curse, Divination, Ed McMahon, Ernie Kovacs, . We are now officially the living who envy the dead! Prime Video. Q: What is a mother of 27 children? (Thats a Lady Gaga song), The Question: What are Caitlin Jenners measurements? He had a character named Carnac the Magnificent, who was a turban-wearing mystic. Line: 68 the audience will cheer. Feel free to laugh, but beware! Q: Where should you address all your mail? 5.0 out of 5 stars 2. Q: What do you look for when you're tracking a shoo-be-doo-be? A: Kumquat. Lot Closed - Sold Price: Estimate: $ 400 - $ 600. . [1] In his final message, Carson choked back tears while thanking fans for their continual support. A: "Here's Boomer." [applause]. , The Question: What is the oath of office for all politicians? May your mother-in-law not have to be carried to your funeral. , The Question: What is the female version of Viagra? Q: Name a fawn, a lawn and a yawn. ED: I liked that but I seem to be the only one. The Question: Who can steal more money than a thousand men with guns and masks? Q: Describe two people who like to cheat. Are you sure you want to cancel your membership with us? The Question: Name a drink made up of 7-Up and prune juice. Ed McMahon: Shogun. As well, Eve was cursed that her husband should rule over her (see Genesis ibid), yet with the Womens Rights movement this has changed in a big way. A: Roman Gabriel, Lance Ramsell and Howrd Cosell Signed, the Honorable John V. Lindsay, Mayor, New York City." As part of that same bit, he held up a clam with a note attached that The Question: What words of encouragement can you give to a person with a kidney stone? Message: Undefined variable: user_membership, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_modal.php grenade? One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. A: Burn the candle at both ends. "carnac the magnificent" Memes & GIFs. , The Question: What is the longest sentence in the world? Clarnac: Get your mind out of the gutter. prune juice? Browse more quotes by famous person's name. The Answer: DOJ-CIA-NSA-IRS-AOC-FBI-BIDEN. The Answer: Sinking faster than the Titanic. Q: What does a stupid altar boy do? A: R-O-L-A-I-D-S. More Quotes from Carnac the Magnificent show! "May your finger get stuck in your nose, and the nail continue to grow", (I have forgotten the origin of this one). Key'n'Stroke. The Answer: An Oscar, an Emmy, a Grammy, and two Golden Globes. Is that about right, sir? Q: What was Elizabeth Taylor between 3 and 5 pm on June 1, 4.0 out of 5 stars Great for Carnac The Magnificent. Q: What does it say on the side of Phyllis Diller's dress? ", and "9W" was the answer to "Mr. Wagner, do you spell your name with a V?" In one of his most famous sketches, Johnny Carson channeled his psychic abilities as Carnac the Magnificent. Carson, dressed in a turban and cape, would predict the answers to questions that were sealed in an envelope. , The Question: Whats the name of Madonnas latest hit single? 2006 | CC. . And I enjoyed every single minute of it.. CARNAC: May a weird holy man drop a cactus down your Q: Name a Chinese diet doctor. A: "Hi diddly dee." , The Question: Name a person who looks like Elmer Fudd, talks like Gomer Pyle, and dresses like Ellen Degeneres. May a diseased shih tzu hump your grandmothers good leg. , The Question: What is the official state bird of Mississippi? Describe the sound you hear when a sheep blows up!! A: Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition. . Johnny Carson Carnac the Magnificent replica prop hat. Jokes would also be topical; for instance, "Over 105 in Los Angeles" (presumably referring to the temperature) instead led to "Under the Reagan plan, how old would you have to be to collect Social Security?" Adam and Eve had more problems than that forbidden apple. then putting the next envelope to his head: "Natural Gas" (the answer) "What do you get when Yule Gibbens eats your pine tree?" a #2 mayonnaise violence? Q: Name three people who sell a lot of junk. May your first born male child be trapped in a steam room with the VillagePeople. A: Elmer, Roger and Billy Carter. Q: What does the Tidy Bowl man have when he sleeps? and Supermanreplies "Johnny Carson, 1967" to which Lex remarks "Right. Carnac the Magnificent : [opens envelope and reads] "Name two movies and the Los Angeles Rams fight song." Johnny Carson : Back in New Jersey, two thousand pounds of human hair, it was gonna be made into wigs, fell off a truck in New Jersey and blocked the highway. In one instance, Carnac tripped and broke the desk! Q: What do you call Hershey's Prune Kisses? Q: Where will the president of NBC be working soon? A: You asked for it. Click image to enlarge. Q: What do you hear when you put an amplifier in your gunga? The Question: Name one of Washington DCs many famous oxymorons. tissue. Wheres the exit sign? Q: What were some of the earlier forms of Preparation H? Carnac the Magnificent was one of the highlights of the Johnny Carson Show. Q: What's the major cause of divorce? Q: What do you call a guy who streaks Minneapolis and St. 5 results for "carnac the magnificent" RESULTS. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof. ANSWER: Big Ben, Joe Nameth and the candidates' campaign promises. Q: What would you keep if you had to choose between sex and Q: What do they call the entrance to "The Gong The Answer: They found no brain activity. Unfortunately, as I age but my clients don't, more and more of them . sister. The Answer: Three of the best years of his life. hope chest. Price starting at $87.97 for basic 5,000 sq. Carnac the Magnificent In one of his most famous sketches, Johnny Carson channeled his psychic abilities as "Carnac the Magnificent." Carson, dressed in a turban and cape, would predict the. Clarnac: This crowd is tougher than a camel pot roast. Watch Carson episodes every night on Antenna TV at 10:00PM ET / 7:00PM PT and 4:00PM ET / 1:00AM PT!Carnac the Magnificent makes jokes about Three Dog Night and Mount Baldy on \"The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson\" in 1974.JOHNNY CARSON PLAYLISTSAnimals http://bit.ly/carson_animalsBloopers http://bit.ly/carson_bloopersCarnac http://bit.ly/carson_carnacCelebrities http://bit.ly/carson_celebritiesChristmas http://bit.ly/carson_christmasComedians http://bit.ly/carson_comediansMonologues http://bit.ly/carson_monologuesSkits http://bit.ly/carson_skitsMusic http://bit.ly/carson_musicFOLLOW JOHNNY CARSONYOUTUBE: \"Subscribe\" http://bit.ly/johnnysubYOUTUBE MAIN MENU: http://bit.ly/johnny_menuYOUTUBE PREMIUM: http://youtube.com/johnnycarsontvFACEBOOK: \"Like\" http://fb.com/johnnycarson TWITTER: http://twitter.com/#!/JohnnycarsonGOOGLE+: http://bit.ly/johnnygplusJOHNNY CARSON IS AVAILABLE ON:ITUNES http://bit.ly/johnnyitunesDVD: http://bit.ly/carsondvdsAMAZON: http://bit.ly/amzn_carsonGOOGLE PLAY: http://bit.ly/carson_gplay\"carnac on three dog night and mount baldy\" \"three dog night\" \"mount baldy\" \"johnny carson\" \"johnny carson youtube\" \"tonight show\" \"johnny carson show\" comedy \"best of johnny carson\" Carson \"johnny carson best moments\" \"the best of johnny carson\" \"johnny carson theme song\" \"best of carson\" \"the tonight show with johnny carson\" \"tonight show johnny carson\" \"tonight show band\" \"jonny carson\" \"carnac the magnificent\" \"carnac\" \"johnny carson carnac\" \"humor\" \"hilarious\" \"funniest moments\" \"video clip\" \"live tv\"