Authors. What if I want to have a crappy day?George Carlin, Not only do I not know whats going on, I wouldnt know what to do about it if I did.George Carlin, Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.George Carlin, So, have a little fun. Each one of them has an entire hologram of the universe somewhere within them. George Carlin, 34. } stylesheet.type = "text/css"; Carlin is well-known for pivoting from a strait-laced, suit-and-tie approach to standup in the late 1960s and early . It can help you a lot. George Carlin, 8. Its a great feeling. It creates a hostile work environment. We just believed everything. Born: May 12, 1937. They own everything. The quality of our thoughts and ideas can only be as good as the quality of our language. George Carlin, 25. "https://":"http://";i+=f?g:k;i+=j;i+=h;c(i)}if(!e.ue_inline){if(a.loadUEFull){a.loadUEFull()}else{b()}}a.uels=c;e.ue=a})(window,document); There is only a short pause before the next horrifying event. " Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat. "ebfg_email", "ebfg_sms"]; q("f", arguments) Some people see the glass half full, others see it half empty. The first one is: 'Never believe ANYthing the government says.' George Carlin Believe, Government, Rules To Live By 48 Copy quote Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. I think people should be allowed to do what they want. })(); A.async = !0; The owners of this country know the truth: Its called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. George Carlin, 83.Theres a reason education sucks, and its the same reason it will never ever ever be fixed. George Denis Patrick Carlin was born May 12, 1937, in the Bronx, New York. I mean, life is tough. Goalcast is an inspiring community for achievers dedicated to helping you improve all aspects of your life. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.George Carlin,When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops? If black boxes survive air crashes why dont they make the whole plane out of that stuff? George Carlin, 55. Every person you look at; you can see the universe in their eyes, if you're really looking. George Carlin 13. By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. George Carlin, 10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Nothing changed.George Carlin, Well, if crime fighters fight crime and firefighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?George Carlin, I think its the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately. The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election. George Carlin, 66. I hate groups of people. Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. Every day we present the best quotes! George Carlin. Vicious Quotes Page 5. . The main reason Santa is so jolly is that he knows where all the bad girls live. Here we are sharing a collection of George Carlin quotes on religion, government, and life for you to think deeply about the things you have never done before. Goalcast inspires the world through stories. // }); It always has been. Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? George Carlin, Dont just teach your children to readTeach them to question what they read.Teach them to question everything.George Carlin, How can He be perfect? May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. George Carlin, 43. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. George Carlin, 46. 4994. The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. George Carlin, 13. Theres a humorous side to every situation. They're always people who tell us to live together in harmony and try to love one another: Jesus, Ghandi, Lincoln, John Kennedy, Bobby Kennedy, Medgar Evers, Malcolm X, Martin Luther King, John Lennon. George Carlin was one of the most iconic comedians of all time and he had a lot to say about government. the important thing is to, first of all, question everything you read or hear or see or are told. George Carlin, A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.George Carlin, Theres no present. } It presents itself as fairness, yet attempts to restrict and control peoples language with strict codes and rigid rules. Share your thoughts in the comments below! War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle-class and lower-class men off to die. George Carlin, 78. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. George Carlin, I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. Actually, I think that class was called Religion. Conservatives say if you dont give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesnt mean the circus has left town. George Carlin, 23. Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? And fight songs. Im not sure thats the way to fight discrimination. George Carlin is a Grammy-winning American stand-up comedian, actor, and author. They own, and control the corporations. All day long beating you over the head with their media telling you what to believe, what to think and what to buy. q("i", arguments) var sourcesToHideBuyFeatures = ["ebfg_gr", "ebfg_fb", "ebfg_fbm", "ebfg_tw", Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim. George Carlin, 51. Its what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. Maybe this time itll work. George Carlin, 59. Its never going to get any better. Well, if crime fighters fight crime and firefighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? var cookie = cookies[i]; Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. }, Laugh until you gasp for breath." - George Carlin 3. Being considered as one of the top comedians of all time,George is well known for his black humor, political views, observations on language, psychology, and religion along with many other taboo subjects. Because theres no money in that problem. Governments dont want a population capable of critical thinking, they want obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough to passively accept their situation. When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. We are in a country, and in a world that is run by people who brainwash , . Tom, Id like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy. These days, Trajedi. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, It turned out I was pretty good in science. His jokes were certainly aimed to provoke others but the hows and whys of it made him so exceptional. googletag.cmd = googletag.cmd || []; And I didnt really care in the first place.George Carlin, Dont confuse me with those who cling to hope. Theyve long since bought, and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the State houses, the city halls, they got the judges in their back pockets and they own all the big media companies, so they control just about all of the news and information you get to hear. George Carlin, 63. return cookiePair[1]; The planet is fine. Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. George Carlin, 45. } Lists. We think in language. This is what we have to offer. The people are fucked! George Carlin, 80. Electricity is really just organized lightning. "https:" : "http:") + Thats exactly what I want you to think. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. } Some people see the glass half full, others see it half empty. Whats that, a bonus? function getCookieWithoutJQuery(name) { Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough not to quit. One can never know for sure what a deserted area can look like. Every person you look at; you can see the universe in their eyes, if youre really looking.George Carlin, Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die,your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. The owners of this country know the truth: It's called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. This is the best we can do folks. Trouble is, most of them suck. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? if (window.ue && window.ue.tag) { window.ue.tag('author:quotes:signed_out', ue.main_scope);window.ue.tag('author:quotes:signed_out:mobileWeb', ue.main_scope); } googletag.pubads().disableInitialLoad(); He Was Fatally Beaten by Memphis Police Now People Around the World Are Sharing #SunsetsForTyre in His Honor, 41 Daughter Quotes That Will Touch and Melt Your Heart, 20 Most Inspiring Martin Luther King Jr. It presents itself as fairness, yet attempts to restrict and control peoples language with strict codes and rigid rules. George Carlin, 60. Right in the fucking head! //]]>. My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me. var stylesheet = document.createElement("link"); " If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else. You know how I define the economic and social classes in this country? Nobody seems to care. } Dont just teach your children to read Teach your children to question what they read, teach them to question everything. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat. People are wonderful one at a time. This video is an ideal way to start your day off on a funny and thought provoking note and stay inspired through. I enjoy describing how things are, I have no interest in how they ought to be. And I certainly have no interest in fixing them. Careful, if you think too much, theyll take you away. This is what we have to offer. //]]> Thats the problem. George Carlin, 58. George Carlin "The planet is fine. In this blog post, well take a look at some of Carlins most famous quotes on government. var ue_sn = "www.goodreads.com"; Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. George Carlin, 4. I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. God has a three-day weekend.George Carlin, Theres a humorous side to every situation. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. George Carlin, 53. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.George Carlin,Brain Droppings, THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR: Please stop sucking my dick or Ill call the police. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, Some people have no idea what theyre doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.George Carlin, Some people see things that are and ask, Why?Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not?Some people have to go to work and dont have time for all that.George Carlin, Meow means woof in cat.George Carlin. googletag.pubads().enableAsyncRendering(); Famous quotes on life, death, politics and of course the American government. 8 George Carlin Quotes On Death That Will Make You Think! Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bullshit they teach you in school. if (window.csa) { Looking for the best George Carlin quotes? When you are born, you get a ticket to the freak show. } catch (err) { Its so fuckin heroic.George Carlin, The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.George Carlin, If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?George Carlin, I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Tell people theres an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Whether you agree with him or not, Carlins views are definitely worth considering. If holy people are so interested in politics, government, and public policy, let them pay the price of admission like everybody else. Think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of them are stupider than that. George Carlin, 40. Its no secret that George Carlin was a bit of a political philosopher. }); The planet is fine. Heres all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. "Application": "GoodreadsMonolith", By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days Ive stayed alive. (function () { Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was. You know why? } else { After all, he was one of the most successful comedians of all time! The politicians are put there to give you the idea you have freedom of choice. George Carlin quotes government sayings, in particular, are thought-provoking. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. //]]> My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me. if (isRetina) { I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be. George Carlin, Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. George Carlin, Careful, if you think too much, theyll take you away. George Carlin, I think people should be allowed to do what they want. George Carlin was no stranger to controversy. Really? googletag.pubads().setTargeting("grsession", "osid.b75ee1b4ab41ae6cecc3e4c769a5b3df"); He was born May 12, 1937, in New York City into an Irish Catholic family, but he rejected the faith. gads.async = true; [CDATA[ Pointing out the things which are influencing our society badly with humor is not an easy task to do. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. We havent tried that for a while. They own you. They should be more vivid. [CDATA[ He loves you and he needs money. But there is an I in independence, individuality, and integrity. try { George Carlin's Estate, via HBO. Being considered as one of the top comedians of all time, George is well known for his black humor, political views, observations on language, psychology, and religion along with many other There is a mistake in the text of this quote. Thank you! George Carlin. born on May 12, 1937, - George Carlin quotes. George Carlin Sayings and Quotes about life! Topics. Keep in mind, the news media are not independent; they are a sort of bulletin board and public relations firm for the ruling class-the people who run things. American - Comedian May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008. Quotes by George Carlin One of the most iconic comedians of all time. People who say they dont care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they dont care what people think. George Carlin, 28. "Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it." ~ (George Carlin). Apparently, were not ready for that! George Carlin, 72. Laugh often, long and loud. If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. George Carlin, 37. BAM! googletag.pubads().setTargeting("surface", "mw"); George Carlin. Were so self-important. People cant seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure. George Carlin Quotes Government George Carlin American Comedian born on May 12, 1937, died on June 22, 2008 George Denis Patrick Carlin was an American stand-up comedian, social critic, actor, and author. I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. The following quotes are some of the most thought provoking sentences youll ever read. Well, its Gods will. Thy Will Be Done. Fine, but if its Gods will, and Hes going to do what He wants to anyway, why the fuck bother praying in the first place? What exactly is viewer discretion? var gptAdSlots = gptAdSlots || []; ", Follow AzQuotes on Facebook, Twitter and Google+. Thats the only thing keeping it and expanding it wherever possible. George Carlin, 57. If the parent corporation doesnt want you to know something, it wont be on the news. init: function() { 101 Marianne Williamson Quotes That Will Enlighten You. //=0){return}if("ue_https" in e){f=e.ue_https}else{f=e.location&&e.location.protocol=="https:"?1:0}i=f?