A friend That s right, my friend is a well connected Chengdu Tong.He also told me some other interesting things.What Wei Renwu spread his hands, pretending to be innocent and said Shouldn t you invite me in first to sit down and talk Shu Xin smiled and said, Mr.Wei is right, please come in.Shu . I am also going through a divorce after separating from my husband last February. People in crisis situations who survive are those that take very little risks and focus on surviving at all cost (no frills, just survival). It is truly one of the worst things that can happen, most people dont understand unless theyve been through it, which can be very isolating. The most useful comments are those written with the goal of learning from or helping out other readers after reading the whole article and all the earlier comments. The noted penny-pinching guru dubbed Mr. Money Mustache announced on New Year's Eve that he and his wife have divorced, writing in a blog post that they only spent $265 on the entire process. Thinking of you all, and wishing you all the best. These are well written sentiments about divorce and the handling the process and the aftermath. Hope your son is doing well and my best wishes for you all in 2019. Thank you for sharing this. Jacob (Early Retirement . I call my ex-spouse the Best ExHusband Ever and we are good friends, still have fun together, sharing holidays and family events, and take great care of our son. This article describes an anomalous social space within the field of homelessness in San Francisco, that of "pro" recyclers, homeless men who spend much of their time collecting recyclables for redemption. Ive experienced the calmness of relief, followed by tidal waves of anger and resentment. We were in constant communication, sometimes daily about what was happening in our kids worldhomework, sports, friends, etc. And it is important for these people to hear that although divorce is always difficult, sometimes it really is the best choice and there should not be shame or blame associated with this choice. January 2, 2019, 10:32 pm. And most notably from the perspective of early retirement and financial independence, havingenoughmoney in advance has made this part of the split much less painful. And we can collect bathtubs full of sympathetic tears from our friends. Woah! Being born and going through childhood is hard. Focusing on the silver linings in life is something that I need to improve at, and this example can serve me well as a model. and he sports a thick mustache and a huge, shaggy beard (a beard with lots of hair). And if you dont choose to fight, a divorce doesnt have to cost much at all. C.S. A positive trade as I adore my nephew and nieces. Try breaking your usual morning routine by going out for a short walk . Frogdancer Jones Also, a contentious divorce could deplete your savings significantly. But Pete Adeney -- who is better known as Mr. Money Mustache -- would argue that's far from the truth. I dont know if thats very fair What are the rates of happily single people? When you are young, energetic, and gregarious, marriage and kids can definitely make things a lot harder, but things start looking different when you are old without kids or you get (really) sick. It can be done. Consider animal shelters, park/rec groups, etc- very people-interactive. Although I chose to buy a house, nobody had to compromise on quality of life or sell the expensive family house. Much like all things in life, theres an ebb and a flow to post-divorce life. We share plenty of time with our son and he is doing amazingly well because we are choosing to make this new life about growth rather than conflict. As parents of a 6, 4, and 2 year old sometimes life is incredibly hard where all were doing is surviving- but in the (many) moments of fun and smiles, its good to go a little deeper than just enjoying whats on the surface and realize the deep joy and bliss. Marriage, even if it doesnt work out exactly the way you wish, is overall a winning concept. Every human needs and deserves to be accepted and loved even the people who drive us crazy and even those who treat us poorly. As a long-time reader said to me in a recent email as we discussed our shared fate, having a solid financial cushion and low expenses and lifestyle flexibility, has made the best of an otherwise difficult situation especially in not having to disrupt the lives of our kids. I wanted people to get inspired by my situation. Im thankful for this and all your stories, in that they will likely help people focus before its too late. I wrote that down and changed my perspective of the situation. Glad to hear youre doing well and your son sounds like he is getting two parents who are going to be great at co-parenting. That's how I reconcile the money we waste on Rent-the-Runway and a Country Club membership we never use. December 31, 2018, 6:36 pm. We happen to be going through a lot of life changes at the moment, and this is a great reminder that through the stress we need to focus on what is important for us, both as individuals and as a couple. there are thousands moreyou can find one that fits your style :), Wishing you the best on your journey. Mr. Been There You would go through a few months of training, and then do volunteer and advanced training to maintain your status. Reasonableness is required on both sides. Building everyone up and never, ever tearing anyone down. Hey MMM.. brave post, way to go. There are discussion groups, people who like to cook, board games, running, hiking, etc. Yes! My prior career doesnt exist in the US. The Money Mustache Community . Ill leave you with one of my favorite jokes: I had learned of your divorce through an article, but didnt want to add any comment at all until you were ready to post here. December 31, 2018, 8:05 pm. But that makes the point stronger. Also we never talked bad about the other. So if you havent already heard through the rumor mill, the former Mrs. Money Mustache and I are no longer married. I am so happy to hear that and hope that every happily married couple will FIRE IT UP in 2019 to make their good thing better. Man, I feel sad. Hugs from the internet :), Mustachio Mr. and Mrs. Stevens first made the trip to Bognor Regis on their honeymoon, and the tradition has continued ever since. Regional Occupational Program ROPss are all over the nation LAEP-high school FAFSA help, mock interviews, career day speaking engagement, etc. Best of luck to you. Can you Handle the Truth In March of 2017, I listened to you on the Tim Ferriss podcast and then devoured your entire backlist. Take a different route to work than you usually do, and a different route home. My daughter just told me she is getting divorced which also surprised the heck out of me. Coming off the back of a divorce I often marvel that something so personally painful as a relationship breakdown was so text book and the issues so run of the mill. January 1, 2019, 1:54 pm, I read a research paper back in the days, that your in love faze just lasts for 4 years before it begins to fade away. Odds are against you if you meet and marry in your twenties. See, even the harshest moments come with a little golden key taped secretly onto their side, which you can use to unlock personal growth and greater future happiness. Thanks for sharing and giving your perspective. Because divorce, especially with children and family and traditions involved, is really fuckinghard. Best of luck but you dont need it; you got this. Your story sounds similar to mine. Mr. Money Mustache is a pseudonym of Peter Adeney, famous for his financial blogs and his unique way of spending money. BTW I want to add that tomorrow January 1 is the first day of the year I turn 55. I think you both do that. Mr. Money Mustache retired in his early thirties and has recently emerged as one of the most inspiring personal finance authors in cyberspace. Seriously. It's a comfortable space that allows for both family living and entertaining. Pay attention to the new experiences you have on this journey. I think they will! And importantly, the kids knew it. Its so easy to take your relationship for granted and we could all use a reminder to be more appreciative and understanding of our spouses. But fortunately, like everything else, going to war is almost always achoice. ), read books, laugh, cry, learn mindfulness and meditation, eat salads, get outside and exercise, write more new things and build new things and new businesses and new relationships, and you will come through it better than ever. Complaints and insults generally wont make the cut here, but by all means write them on your own blog! Thats what Ill be up to in 2019. Wow, when I read the headline I was really hoping that the topic of divorce wasnt personal for you. If youre still married and there is even achancethat you want it to last, you might consider the following steps. Okay that was a dark plan. Thats entirely possible, and it should be your goal. . The opportunity cost of fighting is way too high in these situations. House hacking might be an option. Our friends and families had so many questions when we announced our separation there were no major injuries, no addiction, no betrayals. Please do take the best possible care of yourself. On a sunny September morning in downtown Longmont, Colo., 80 or so people are packed into the Mr. Money Mustache headquarters. And then well have to drag ourselves back out of that rut again. I left someone whom I had a child with three years ago. Mr. Money Mustache and his then-wife retired at the age of 30 with a net worth of $600,000. Peruse the bountiful relationship advice section at Amazon and definitely check out the 5 Love Languagesbook that resonates strongly with so many people. But you two are awesome. What does my romantic life have to do with your financial life? Im reminded of a refrain from an old Dave Mason song there aint no good guy, there aint no bad guy theres only you and me and we just disagree. Good luck to all of you. Your statement that even the harshest moments come with a little golden key taped secretly onto their side rings true. Having experienced it myself and reading ad nauseum on the topic, youre right on about the initiator having the advantage of planning their exit far in advance of the one on the receiving end. Happy and healthy new year to you and your family! December 31, 2018, 5:51 pm. Robinson I left the Nissan Leaf behind and chose not to buy a car of my own because I already have bikes. Ignore them if you can or shut them down. I think what you are overlooking however is that the life choice of marriage or not marriage does not follow steady state mechanics, where you can just consider things as a simple function of the binary happy-unhappy. A New Edition of the Phenomenal #1 Bestseller ''One mark of a great book is that it makes you see things in a new way, and Mr. Friedman certainly succeeds in that goal,'' the Nobel laureate Joseph E. Stiglitz wrote in The New York Times reviewing The World Is Flat in 2005.In this new edition, Thomas L. Friedman includes fresh stories and insights to help us understand the flattening of the . She was the main bread winner and came out the winner with a lot more income for herself. It has also led to other related nature/outdoor group activities. No. It has been a hard year. Hi! Divorce is tough. But I just wanted to remind you that a pessimistic attitude like that is very self-fulfilling, especially in the area of finding future love. Being married to the wrong person is such an emotional and psychological drag. I hope your new year is even better! My wife has been a divorce mediator for 25 years and helps me stay keyed to both the negative and positive sides of struggles between spouses or parents and those close to them over separating their family while jointly tending to children. Thank you. September 27, 1961. Actually, Jim Krueger, An early bandmate of Daves, wrote that one. I am sad to hear about your divorce, but glad to hear that yall will keep mushing on as best as yall can. So lean on friends, talk to a relationship counselor even if it is just by yourself (yes, its really worth it! My state has that program, and Ive met and formed friendships with the nicest men and women of all ages by participating in the classes and volunteering. I loved reading this post. We must find these organizations ourselves. Every time you let this slide, you do a bit of permanent damage. They both agreed that our children would still inherit a big chunk of change even if we both lived to be 100. There are a lot of resourceful folks here willing to help. October 7, 2019, 5:38 pm. Hooray for grownup single life! Anonymous Be resilient. I think you have the exact right approach and for right reasons. 571 talking about this. I actually read very little after my divorce (related to divorce that is) but somewhere I saw these quotes and they reflected my divorce experience: Getting divorced is hard, being divorced isnt. As all my previous relationships lasted no more than 2 years. worked through the do-it-yourself paperwork and paid a $265 fee to the county court for the divorce. So the bad news is that there is definitely such thing as too late. At some point, the idea of working on a marriage sounds like hell because you have been waiting for so long to be able to escape it. Its definitely hard sometimes, but nurturing a relationship is important. Two-L Michelle December 31, 2018, 6:03 pm. It adds pain to an already difficult situation. Or sustainable living community. Our financial planner had me working until age 68 (2022) I ran the numbers again with the tools and common sense you provided. December 31, 2018, 5:04 pm. 1. In the best scenario, the end of a marriage is just a change to your love life, and you can continue to collaborate with your former spouse in a wonderful and open way. MMM never made the amount of money the frugalwoods did during his working career. Skip-the-Hyperbole Sounds like you all done good. Lets grow a money mo! But it gets really dark during a war like divorce, (and anyone that says, it takes two, would you say that in the event of a Grizzly Bear attack?!). My ex and I did the same. Lewis was married to Joy Davidman. You got me on track to live life from a position of strength and positivity. We are both doing well in forming new relationships and supportive of the others success in that important aspect of moving on. December 31, 2018, 8:02 pm, Sorry to read about your Divorce and hats off to you for staying close and dealing with it amicably. Every human needs and deserves to be accepted and loved even the people who drive us crazy and even those who treat us poorly. Its so weird to receive this post the day before my financial freedom starts and yet how perfect the advice is. Perhaps it looked like I was better off and had plans.I didnt really, the desire to separate was all I knew for certain. Nice info !!! The few comments I had read, the baseless speculation and entitlement were disgusting. While I cant recommend any particular book, if youre looking for a great place to discuss this with other FIRE-minded women, check out http://www.reddit.com/r/FIREyFemmes. Re: Financial Volunteering (to stay busy/if lonely/need to give back/healing). Then we retired from real work way back in 2005 in order to start a family. The gossip has to hurt and the internet can be ruthless, likely filled with people who are experiencing their own levels of hurt. Makes a lot of sense. I did give it a good try though and miserably have worked for crap $. You cannot nag or criticize your partner for years and expect them to forgive you when you eventually see the light. Thank you for sharing such a personal matter with us. Personally, I have found over 18 financial literacy organizations that every-day-people can volunteer for. You may want to post a case study on the forum with all the numbers and this community will rally around to give you their specific thoughts. Ive known people whove viewed the experience as their great escape, and have bounced into new romantic relationships, and seemingly new lives before the ink has even dried on the divorce decree. Rural Retreat times. And because I continue to enjoy writing and working, my income may continue to stay high through this next stage of my life. But only if you choose to accept that key and put it to use. With the rule of 55 with regard to my most recent 401K, I can technically retire. Im continually amazed at how you can take difficult circumstances and choices, and come out stronger. Pete Adeney, the man behind the blog . Mspbiker But without my divorce, and my solitude time to absorb my lessons, I would not have the wonderful relationship I enjoy today. I survived and later thrived out of divorce (it was a process, 10 years). Anyway, I agree with what youve said. December 31, 2018, 5:58 pm. 2. You continue to be a role model to me. It is truly a life changing website and I cannot thank MMM enough! Hang in there and thanks for sharing this. Working from home, traveling by bike and eating at home save $, but its also lonely. 2) Do you have a pre-nup? Wishing your beautiful family a joyful 2019 and beyond. Their opinion of your personal matters are irrelevant. Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? All Rights Reserved |, How to Retire Forever on a Fixed Chunk of Money. It was ridiculous and my spouse and I laughed while I was crying, but Ive been envious of your life for a long time. Still, having been through it, I wouldnotrecommend divorce as a decision to be taken lightly. Shop at a different grocery store and get ingredients that you don't usually get, in order to eat different meals than usual. Cheers to a great future for us all! Do you think its good to have one? It doesnt cost much, gets you out into nature, and introduces you to others with similar interests. But this is usually a personal finance blog. 2. While itcouldbe looked at as the natural and peaceful end of an arrangement that has just run its course, other people will see it as a failure or a betrayal or a sin. but divorce is hard and economically its often devastating so Im pleased its a topic on here, even if there are not many divorcing couples who will find themselves in similar financial circumstances. Keep em coming! Check out meetup and Facebook groups. I think they help a ton of people. [To the haters: You wanna judge? I felt that the turbulence I had coming to my decision while trying to make the marriage work was replaced with relief once that switch had flipped. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Take a look around. MM has always been an independent-minded person who is good with money and decides on her own spending. NIGHT'S BLACK AGENTSDIRECTOR'S HANDBOOKkenneth hite gareth ryder-hanrahanby and night's black agentsdirector's. Everyone looks at the divorce rate, but nobody looks at the happily married rate when talking about marriages. Please keep up your valuable contribution to humanity. I appreciate your stress on the financial aspect as I recently went through a divorce, and my divorce was too expensive. You two show so much maturity in handling this, I can only hope I grow up to be someone like that. Chapter 9. 3) Survival, Survival, and Survival! This is because conflict is a form of war, and war is the most expensive thing humans have ever invented. He pulled this off by living on a small percentage of his income as a software engineer, and diligently . It definitely is not easy. And easier. So thank you for sharing your lifestyle philosophy and also keeping it real. And burn yearson reliving the past, with a mixture of regret and vengeful self-righteousness and self-pity. I can heartily recommend taking focusing courses with Ann weiser Cornell, taking the courses obviously costs money but then you can maintain peer-to-peer partnerships for years (Ive been talking every week to one of my partners for 8 years now, he probably knows more about me than anyone else, but weve never met). The downfalls of our own relationship are personal and not something we choose to make public, but youve heard it all before anyway. The touch of a cluster of leaves revolved it slowly, tracing, like the leg of compass, a thin red circle in the water. Pete Adeney, aka Mr Money Mustache "As fluctuations continue over the time and you continue to invest, you get the average price as time goes on," he adds. But the good news is that it mightnotbe too late for you, if you do want to stay married. Dont think your ability to put together a (ridiculously oversimplified) equation makes you exempt from the age-old mechanics of the human life cycle. mchrist152 Sorry to hear and youve definitely provided some good advice. This performs a vital function in my life because although I have good friends I have no friends who I feel I could discuss my emotions with in a way that would be helpful (this is what happens when you grow up mailed in our society). MMM has an entry on that. The Bludger As a long time reader of your blog, I was shocked to hear the news. People who dont even know you, will speculate on your character and your motives. Besides lowering your expenses to bare minimum, maybe you can rearrange your house (sleep all in the same room) to rent out other rooms to pay for the mortgage and even have some extra money left over. Jeremiah And for those who have been through this and gotten through the other side and found happiness, go ahead and share your message of hope. I appreciate your candor and transparency. Wishing you and your family a fresh start in 2019. December 31, 2018, 7:31 pm. MMM, It takes a lot of courage to share this information with the public. Thank you for sharing, its been a bit over a year since my own too little too late moment. Welcome fellow Mustachians! But at the same time, I feel we havebothalready learnedsomuch, that it seems almost impossible that the experience wont help both of us live better lives in the future. My guess it was too personal to share. Perhaps the parents went through a bitter divorce . Alana, your state may have a Master Naturalist program, which is a fabulous way to meet environmentally-minded folks. I look forward to reading your future post regarding continued growth. Addendum #1: Case Study: Should Josiah buy his parents a house? Too many couples marry on passion and spur of the moment decisions. I had the right approach (as in not go through an expensive divorce) but my reasons for doing the right thing was because I enjoyed the pain of doing the right thing. I went through a Cat 5 divorce, it cost a bomb and there wasnt much left after my ex raided all the accounts, (never was held accountable) and the Attorneys bills of $300k plus. David Lowell Rich. I also mention Facebook because some of my more active meetup groups are also there. Im most encouraged with this line though: Most of us (myself included) drift through the years, assuming we are doing a perfectly good job at being married, while unintentionally making all the same mistakes that everyone else makes.. She spent that 6 months selling off many of the assets and giving big gifts to their children. Hope 2019 works out well for all of you. December 31, 2018, 5:44 pm. I work for a Bank and to satisfy our CRA (Community Reinvestment Act) needs, we are required to volunteer hundreds and sometimes thousands of hours each year to teach financial literacy in low to moderate income areas. there aint no good guy, there aint no bad guy theres only you and me and we just disagree. Damn that is a nice line to repeat, for ANY argument including the ones where you think YOU are the good guy. If I was as strict as he was, I'd definitely be divorced by now. I took the love languages quiz some time backs and really think each needs to be aware of each others language. The good thing for introverts, we need something to do while communicating with others. You may have to pay only the most essential bills that keep you and your kids housed, warm and fed. Glad you found it! It sounded like you were a great couple. fyi cbd gummies free trial cbd gummy dose cbd infused gummy bears cbd green lobster gummies HCMUSSH. I am so glad that you and your wife were able to work out your divorce in a mature and dignified manner. After all, the information you kindly share is a gift to be thankful for. 2) Get outside and independent advice (pay for it if you need to). Does anyone know of good places to read advice about improving frugality while meeting your emotional needs? The One Hundredth Monkey . Addendum #3: removed. There are better ways, which I need to work on. Like most financial advisors, Mr. Money Mustache encourages investors to grow their wealth with total market or S&P 500 passive index funds. Best wishes for 2019 and forward, hoping that they all will recover nicely from the divorce. February 1, 2019, 10:02 am. And heed the wise words of my own relationship and coparenting counselor, who noted that the first months after any divorce are the times of greatest conflict. Thank you for sharing such a personal topic. May you find peace and joy within the grief and loss. And read the other comments, to see what other people around you are feeling. And we do. Mr. Smith represents a threat / battle / death to society. Both you and (the former) Mrs. Money Mustache have achieved much financial prosperity and going forward, will still be able to prosper. The flipside of all this is that many, many people are currently married, who should not be and dont want to be. I found your MMMness in December of 2o15 along with other folks out there who were writing about minimalism, finance, relationships, etc.